Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
