i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
