I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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