that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I puked a lego.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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