Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
