I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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