Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Buhtt sex?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
