I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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