ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
