is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize