I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
