Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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