"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
