I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize