My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
