need another drink. this is the easiest way
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
