Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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