mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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