look no pants
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
