There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
