I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
