my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
