I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
