the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think my vagina is haunted
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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