I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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