My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
