remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
