so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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