Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize