Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
