i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
