just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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