He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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