if i can run in heels then i can drive
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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