I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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