i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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