Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
