she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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