I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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