so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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