...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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