census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
