I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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