Pregnant stripper...not hot.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize