I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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