i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
