And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
