There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
