I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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