I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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