Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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