farters have to be the big spoon...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i think my cat just said my name.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
