Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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