i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
