He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
