it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
