theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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