i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
