I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
