glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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