Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
