I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
