I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
