Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize