I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
