walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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